Going to Seed - 11/9/21

After a full three and a half weeks in Salt Lake City we left Saturday to make our way to sunny Arizona. We will stay here for a week before heading back to Texas where we have some things to be taken care of - including our two month service check up on Biggest Betty.

We were both feeling a little nervous as we left. Not really sure why, we talked about it as we made our way south.

As we talked we were able to name that we had a sense that we were finally setting out on this thing we imagined all those months ago at our kitchen table in California.

Even though we have been on the road since May, it hasn’t been with a sense of freedom and ease. We have been in this state of waiting and figuring out how to exist. Picking places to travel for reasons that really didn’t call to our hearts. We needed to get our stuff settled in Texas, we needed to get out of the heat but not to far away from Texas, we needed to find places to stay after turning in Biggest Betty, we needed to head to Salt Lake City to pick up our stuff.

As we drove south and picked our way through our feelings, we both acknowledged that we might be a little tired. Realizing that the past months have taken a bigger toll on us than we realized. Our bodies, minds, and souls - worn out.

So, what a gift it was to find that the state campground we had reserved in Arizona was a place of tranquil serenity - and even included excellent cell coverage so we could work in peace. I had an appointment with my spiritual director Sunday afternoon - so while I met with her online - Jason took a good long nap outside. We watched the sun set, made dinner - almost falling asleep in our plates - and went to bed.

The next morning I awoke with a sense of spaciousness that I had not felt since this time last year when we had been on the road in Bigger Betty. I got up and took a long walk down to the lake below.

The water level was fairly low so I had to pick my way through the bushes and rocks to reach the edge. It felt like I was standing on the banks of something new. I leaned over, dipped my fingers into the cold water, rubbing the water into my hands. I sat and listened to the water lapping at the bank, the sounds of birds, the wind. And then I made my way back up the hill to where we are camped, overlooking a huge bluff with views in all directions.

As I walked I thought about the fact that we have no sewer hook up here and we were going to need to be super careful about how much water we use. Walking down to the shared restrooms, carrying our dish water down to the communal sink, to conserve valuable grey and black tank space.

With this realization I had a strange sense of excitement come over me. I thought I won’t have to take a shower all week. I may not even change my clothes. I won’t be wearing any makeup. Meals will have to be simple.

All of the sudden the image of going to seed came to mind. That what we were really in need of was permission to go to seed for a bit, to drop all the pretty outward appearance. Not care what our hair looked like. Maybe wear the same pair of socks for days.

Instead of feeling stressed about this, I felt a sense of complete release. I thought, is this how a plant feels when it finally finishes its growing season and goes to seed?

We often look at a winter garden that has not been tended and think it looks a mess. But there is so much going on there. The plants are resting. The seeds have been dropped and are nestling into the soil. Rest is taking root and energy is being stored up for the next growing season. Dry branches are allowed to blow away in the wind or melt into the snow and rain.

A winter garden does not need to produce or look pretty. It’s work is in the resting.

I loved this image so much and felt a deep invitation toward its wisdom.

We have been tired. The past year has taken a lot out of us as we made this big transition, and now we have the invitation to spend the week going to seed.

I plan to make the most of it by doing nothing. I can’t imagine anything better.

(P.S. If you have a Zoom call with me no comments on my hair)