The Color Blue - 11/29/21

Every year about this time I start thinking about what word or words will accompany me for the coming year. I generally have a few words that rise up and journey alongside me through the months.

Last year, about this time, I became aware that a color wanted to join my list of words - the color blue. I had never had a color for the year and the thought sort of intrigued me. So I added it to my list - along with belonging, surrender, silence, and posture. All of the words seemed to rest under an umbrella word of “attentiveness”. But I was not sure exactly how the color blue fit in to the whole mix.

As the months have passed I have continued to visit these words and the color blue. In many ways I think that these words choose to companion me this year as they knew what a big transition we would be making. And they could provide some scaffolding to help hold me in place as we made the transition. But I still wasn’t sure how the color blue fit in.

We just finished up a week at the seashore. Padre Island National Seashore on the Gulf of Mexico to be more accurate. It is a lovely little stretch of barrier island that is mostly undeveloped and with no cell service anywhere. There is a sweet little primitive campground, that closely resembles a large parking lot, butting up to the dunes overlooking the beach. From little pockets along the dunes you get this peek a boo glimpse of the waves and the long stretch of beach. And the oddest collection of people come to stay there - including us.

This time we got to know a group of women down from Austin, celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday together in lieu of families. A solitary seventy five year old woman named Nancy, living out of her Honda Fit. She was a professor in her prior years and told us the story of her partner who died very young from cancer. And their was the mysterious woman that would walk out onto the beach repeatedly at night, barefoot despite the burrs on the ground, with a large wooden stake like Gandalf in Lord of the Rings - she too was camping in her small car. And across the way from us were two men, both with beloved dog companions - each in their own little camper vans. Solitary and watchful.

Now when it comes to beaches it is good to note that I have not been much of a beach person for most of my life. I don’t like dirty feet and sand can drive me crazy. I am not a strong swimmer and the thought of all the fish in the ocean keeps me pretty much out of the water. But over time I have learned to appreciate the beaches beauty - especially because I am married to a beach person. The ocean -waves, sand and salty air - are the geography of his soul, and so I have come to appreciate it as well. I have even learned to endure dirty feet and sand all over the place.

The day we arrived was beautiful. Sun shining, water glistening. The next day was lovely too, although a bit windy.

And then the storms blew in. Thanksgiving Day was dark, wet, and windy. The camper rocked through the night and the gusts just kept coming. We ran out of battery power and shivered through the night with no heat. Although we were lucky considering many other people were in tents or cars.

Friday dawned with a bit of sunshine. And although it was not sunny and warm, the clouds and the sun did a fine dance all day letting in just enough sunlight to take away the gloom. By the time we left Saturday the weather had pulled back in and the sun had tucked away for the foreseeable future.

On our last day there we took the dogs for a walk on the beach in between storms. Along the way we happened upon a washed up Portuguese man-of-war - which I have since learned is not officially a jelly fish - but still packs a mighty sting. I could not help but be moved by the vibrant blue of the creature, even in death. Not many things in nature radiate such a strong indigo. I stood over it for some time - taking in the mystery of it’s creation. Even in death it radiated beauty and mystery.

I was reminded of a book I read about the history of color. And how blue was one of the hardest colors to create - requiring lapis from the far reaches of the spice trail. It was one of the reasons why it was used to depict Mary’s robes in medieval art. It was priceless, as was the saintly figure.

As I sat looking at the blue creature I was reminded of my color for the year. Asking myself if there was anything that has come to the surface as I have journeyed with this color. I had done research on the color. Read some books and poems. But nothing seemed to really until I heard someone describe blue as the color of truth. And I thought maybe this was the closest naming of why the color blue decided to companion me this past year.

This week we are in Dallas to have our sixty day check up on our Biggest Betty. As we drove up here from the Gulf we had some deep talks about where we both are at right now in this transition. We both named that it was kind of hard to spend the holidays on our own. We will be on our own again for Christmas (second year in a row) and we are not sure we want this repeated in the future. So we are feeling our way through it all - asking what we might change for the coming year.

We also named that even though we are so excited to be on this journey and living on the road, we are both feeling a bit of loss. Or maybe loss is not the right word. Perhaps it is adjustment, and change, that we are feeling. And the reality is that adjustment and change takes time. It is a process and we are firmly in the middle of the process. And it can’t be rushed.

And there is truth in that. Truth like the color blue.