Ahhh... Ireland
In spring I traveled to Ireland with my mother and sister on an organized pilgrimage tour.
I wrote a short poem about this experience on the last night of our pilgrimage which you can listen or read here. Scroll down to find the blog post I wrote about learning to lean into this experience.
“Poem of instruction for future pilgrims:
Things to remember about being
a pilgrim –
You won’t be in control
and won’t get to do what
you want and maybe even
need at times –
Which, (speaking of needs),
you will be tired and
pushed beyond your comfort
zone which will make your
needs seem even bigger,
even more present –
Lean in then and practice
letting go –
Make sure to get enough
sleep,
be okay if you don’t get everything
finished that you planned to do on the
journey – you are not in control
of the plan.
Listen to the wind in
the trees,
but be okay if a chunky
bee catches your attention and
you miss the very worthwhile
instructions from your
guides –
Be grateful for community,
it is in them,
(along with the trees, and rocks,
and water, and birds)
that you will see the face of
the divine reflected
back at you –
Remember, say
thank you-
be kind.
Last day of Pilgrimage retreat in Ireland May 8, 2018 ”
Ireland is a place that captured my heart four years ago when I first ventured there with my husband. It is hard to describe, but the landscape has a very sacred feeling and is filled with ancient ruins, unbelievable scenery, monastic lore and many of the friendliest people I have ever met; not to mention some of the best beer on the planet.
Ever since that first trip, we have traveled back each year, and now have big dreams of possibly living there one day, (at least for part of the year). Who knows, it might happen? And, if you don’t put your dreams out there how can they possibly become reality?
Anyway, this trip was different from my past adventures on the island because it was part of an organized tour. It was designed as a type of pilgrimage that visited some of the monastic ruins sprinkled just about everywhere in Ireland; an invitation to stretch and open up more fully to the Holy at work in your life.
After spending a few days on this tour with my sister and mother, I quickly discovered that I am not a very good tour group participant. (Get ready, because here comes a Noelle learning opportunity).
Prior to this trip, my husband and I had always traveled to Ireland on our own. We would fly into Dublin, rent a car, and then go exploring.
Together, we went where we wanted to go, did what sounded interesting to us, ate food we had picked out for ourselves and stayed where we wanted. If we thought it sounded fun to have a jam-packed day we would make that happen. If we woke up and decided that we had been too busy, we would toss all our plans out the window, and sit in a pub all day writing, reading and drinking pints of Guinness or maybe just go for a long walk.
On the other extreme of that type of footloose and fancy-free travel, was this organized trip; completely structured, meals prearranged, daily group bus rides to our locations, long days of touring, and lots and lots of talking with very little quiet time.
The complete opposite of my preferred environment in every way, shape, and form.
After just a couple of days on the tour, I found myself getting irritable and edgy. Much to my surprise, all the other people on the tour seemed to be getting excited and more satisfied.
My first impulse was to surrender to my edginess and just be grumpy (and a little judgy), but something inside kept tugging at me, inviting me to lean in and explore what opportunities might be there for me to grow. Asking me to try and learn from my fellow travelers.
Needless to say, that small quiet invitation didn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Instead, it irritated the hell out of me and heightened my awareness that I was dissatisfied with the rigid schedule, the prescribed meals, and the frantic pace that our tour was following. I even got to the point where the voice of our leader felt like fingernails on a chalkboard.
I was acting like a spoiled teenager - my rebellious nature getting the best of me.
About three days, in I realized it was time to make a shift. I needed a major attitude adjustment. Not just for me, but for the other travelers that were part of my community on the trip, and for the leaders of the tour, that had worked so hard to put the program together. I needed to find a way to lean in (even while being uncomfortable) so that I could grow and learn, and be stretched into something new.
It ended up being pretty hard work, but it led to a greater appreciation of the complexities of being in community and, a better understanding of what I need to be my best self.
I started by trying to be honest about my discomfort.
In one of our evening gatherings, I expressed my frustration as best I could. I explained how I was used to having more quiet time and rest. I let everyone know that I was feeling tired and grumpy, but that I was opening myself up to how I could best learn from the experience.
I started by watching my fellow travelers to learn how I could be more grounded in the experience.
Their joy and contentment were inspiring, and I found myself thinking less about my own irritations. I allowed them to be my instructors on how to be in the moment and just receive (not that I did this gracefully by any means).
I learned that for some of them, the trip was a dream come true and I loved seeing their happiness at each new discovery; hearing their stories about what they had learned each day, what they had most enjoyed.
I surrendered to the food that was available and made adjustments to fit my own eating schedule; at one point asking the organizers if I could order a little differently and having them graciously grant permission to move outside the prescribed menu.
On one day, when the introvert in me felt overwhelmed, I found myself following a chunky bumblebee as it flitted between dandelions growing in the field rather than standing still and listening to the guide.
When we were given small bits of free time I wandered off by myself for a little quiet and alone time. I watched the waves as they washed up on shore, listened to the wind in the trees. On the bus rides, I sat in a single seat and just watched the scenery drift by, resting in the stillness.
I have continued to unpack the experience since getting home and many of the lessons are still revealing themselves to me.
What seems to stand out the most, is that despite what I might want to think and do, sometimes, learning to lean into the things that make me uncomfortable and edgy are the places where the most growth might be waiting (mic drop here please).
If I can get myself out of the way long enough to quit justifying my own feelings and wants all the time - if I can stop spending all my time judging the experience - I might actually learn something.
Don’t get me wrong – this is hard work. It takes a lot of practice and patience. It also needs a good dose of compassion because we are quick to judge ourselves or others too harshly. It means learning to listen to our needs.
Understanding when our needs are just being bossy and demanding attention versus when they are really valid and need to be honored.
This situation required a little bit of both – places where I needed to give in and places where I needed to honor my own needs.
In the end, I came away with a greater sense of the importance of giving up some of my own needs for the sake of the whole community. I also learned how to better celebrate the joys of others, even if my own experience is not exactly what I wanted or imagined.
I will not be signing up to go on any group tours anytime soon but that is okay. I learned they aren't my thing and anyway, that wasn’t the lesson here. The lesson was about learning how to be in community while also learning to not focus on what I think is most important to me all the time.
It is uncomfortable to be invited to grow in new ways, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.
Growing into our best selves is always worth it, (even if it does feel like an itchy wool sweater on a hot summer day).
So, my question to you is this - what edgy places are inviting you right now? Where do you find yourself becoming grumpy and a bit judgy?
Can you lean in a little more and see what opportunities might be waiting for you to grow?
I guarantee it will not be comfortable (or even easy), but the end result will most likely be a more expansive, compassionate and welcoming you.